It's 3:32 am and pouring rain outside, I've got a "bowl" of coffee by my side and a heavy heart. What better time to write a new post...
Let's see...where to start...well, work's chugging along. It's so much more intense than I ever could have anticipated. I feel like I'm just treading water, desperately trying to keep my face just above the surface. At this point in my training, I think I'm expected to start really grasping everything I've learned, and though I'm doing well with the concepts, the constant need for urgency looming over me is a little stifling. I feel like I went from the bunny hill to dropping out of a helicopter somewhere in the Andes. In a couple of weeks, I'll be headed to Albuquerque to get my certification, and then that's it...just another month or two of repetition and practice and then I'm out on my own...
As you can probably tell by the time, my sleeping patterns haven't really improved at all. I have no trouble at all falling asleep at night - in fact, it takes everything I've got not to pass out at 7 pm, but then I'm wide awake at 12:30...just laying there in the sad realization that I've got to wake up at 5 and work 11 hours. On my days off, I sleep just fine, but I'll sleep until 11 in the morning! I just can't seem to get a handle on it.
Sam just passed the first part of his EMT final last night...such a relief! He's been studying like crazy for the last few weeks and the tough part is just beginning. He'll be testing for the next couple of weeks and then applying for positions in the coming months and I could not be more anxious about it if I tried. I can't get over how crazy the last year has been. I remember going on a cruise last year on Thanksgiving and waiting to hear back from the school that we had qualified for Financial Aid for the Fire Academy! It seems like forever ago...I'm so proud of him.
Should I also talk about how nostalgic I get this time of year? I want to go somewhere snowy and cold and go snowboarding so badly it hurts. I follow Jackson Hole on Facebook and they currently have over 100" of snow from the last 2 weeks. It's killing me. I can't help but think of all of our family trips there when I was growing up...for 20-some odd years. Whenever I hear old Christmas music (odd, considering we never even celebrated Christmas) it takes me back to those times, wandering galleries and stores bundled up with hot apple cider and sugar cookies, my mom's favorite art deco Italian Restaurant, sitting in the jacuzzi and watching everyone slip and slide on the icy decking, and my dad bringing us hot cocoa and loading up the stone fireplace in our cozy log hotel room where we'd play Sorry and watch old movies each morning. Oh yeah, and today's my brother's birthday. You'd think I'd be over it by now, but I don't think I ever will be.
For some reason, when it starts to cool down outside, I always find myself listening to the Lucille station on our Dish network channels or BB King's Bluesville channel on Serius XM, so that may be contributing to the issue. I've always loved listening to good blues music, but even more so during the late fall/winter. I bought the most luxurious faux fur bedding for our bed and I'll lay on the bed with the fireplace on and listen to blues...it's like I'm 90 or something, but I thoroughly enjoy myself. Then I'll switch to something like Mos Def's Ms Fat Booty and snap myself right out of it. Works every time.
As miserable as I may sound though, I'm not really, and things are going very well. I can't wait until Sam's classes are over and I'm fully trained so everything will settle down a little bit. It's hard to step out of your comfort zone when you've been in it for so long, but I'm proud of us for doing so. In the meantime, I'll just listen to the rain, watch clips from Warren Miller movies, and reminisce...